We are encouraged to embrace change. But what if you don’t want things to change? 

Change doesn’t always feel good. Sometimes changes are forced upon us because the circumstances demand it. You may have lost a loved one, or the job you worshiped. Someone you’re close to gets seriously ill, or your lifelong partner is asking for a divorce. Change can sometimes be painful and unwanted, and when it involves loss, then it can trigger the feeling of failure. Failure and hopelessness. But here’s the good news…

You do have more control then you realise, even though you can’t stop the often times unwanted change from happening.

You can decide to turn your focus away from the situation. At times when we experience radical changes (especially the ones we don’t like) we tend to focus on the change as a problem, which can increase the feeling of hopelessness and failure. Focus on the present instead. Thinking too much about the future can easily cause anxiety and stress. For example; The thought of your relationship being “over forever” can be harder to swallow, than the thought of your relationship being “over at the moment”.

See the change as an opportunity for growth instead of failure. What did you do right in the given situation, what could you have done better? How can you do things differently in the future? You will allow yourself to grow form the experience, which will lead you to getting your sense of control back, as a result of having constructively reflected on what happened. Not only that, but you will also gain the skillset and confidence to face a similar situation in the future.

This can be the change you didn’t want, but the change you needed. What do I mean by that? Well, radical changes force us to stop and reflect on our lives. Are you living the life you wanted? Maybe this is the push you need to pursue that dream job, or to take up on that hobby you´ve always wanted.

What is my point?

Stop resisting change. Use that energy to create a new life with meaning instead. You are in control and you got this! 


Espen Krøll

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